Thursday, April 13, 2006

Can i borrow your chisel?

I guess you could call it an Obsession.What you ask? Food!.. Ah! and i can see that smile of understanding on your face.I think i have counted and i think there are already 3 posts on food!Anyways i was getting nostalgic about Hostel that is the place i had a blast when i was doing my Engg and believe me the food there is at best Unique and at worst Biological warfare.

I imagine a conversation between a new intern joining the grueling course of "How to churn out glop".
Conversation between Intern (I) and Senior Chef (SUCKS-> Superior Unbeaten Chef of Killer Status)

SUCKS : So you are the new intern.Well the course is going to be very tough.If you have any soft corners for taste buds leave them at the door.
I :(with wide eyes) yes sir!
SUCKS : We prepare food(snicker!!) or something like it for close to 300 girls.We have to make sure that when they leave the engg course not only are they mentally prepared for the real word but physically prepared to eat any kind of stuff
SUCKS decided to show I around.
SUCKS: Do you see the bread over there.Well it has been prepared last night.we leave it out for a day or too so that it gets turned and dried in torturous positions
I : But wont it be difficult to eat
SUCKS (glaring) : What do u think we are doing here? (and in a whisper)Keep this between us but we have a tie up with the local dentist
I :OOOh!
SUCKS : Do you see that grinder over there.We grind the Dosa/Idli dough in this.Always make sure its not finely ground.Then Bake it
I :HOw do i know the idli is ready ?
SUCKS :Throw it from here at that person,if he requires medical aid it is ready.
SUCKS : Do you know what is Uppma.. well we take some old rice and over cook it throw in some spices.
SUCKS: That was the breakfast dishes.Usually the girls skip it.So we have a lot of wastage but do not throw it to the dogs.The last intern got chased all over the campus by the dogs after they ate.
I (His eyes have got stuck in that wide eyed expression)
SUCKS : Now we move on to the lunch.Its Sambar for 6 days a week.But remember to throw in a different vegetable every day.Say 1 brinjal per bucket.Then it becomes brinjal sambar.Likewise with ladies finger etc.Rice either over cook it or under.Vegetables we cook mainly beetroot and potatoes.There is an art in cooking it.Make sure it is not fully cooked.It should have a raw feel.
I : Yes It is more healthy to eat it raw.right?
SUCKS(gives him a wierd look): For Dinner we have some variety.Sometimes poori.Remember it should be like a biscuit.You know crackable..with a crunchy noise.If it is Dosa make it one inch thick.Fills stomachs quickly
I : But wont it be raw!
SUCKS : Naah a little bit of dough will do no harm.Then we have chappathi make it as tough as possible.They have to start developing muscles.
I :Oh!
I : And what about tea or coffee
SUCKS :That we get milk mix it with water in the ratio 1:2
I: Milk 2 and water 1
SUCKS : Are you crazy? Its Milk :Water in the ratio 1:2
I: What about cleanliness? do i have to sweep and clean
SUCKS : Naah that is not there in the contract.Some one comes to wash the dishes.We clean when we it becomes too dirty and thus a health hazard for us.Any other doubts you can ask later.
I: Do we eat here?
SUCKS : ARE YOU MAD? of course not get your food from home or canteen.Take care of your health.

Well there are moments when i look at a raw potato or over cooked rice and i wipe away a tear in rememberance of my hostel.It changed my life in so many ways.I now go to hotels and never crib about the food.I Love my moms food.When i came back from hostel my tounge required frequent dishes from her kitchen and i was able to recuperate from 4 years of the damage done to my taste buds.

These are some scenes from college life :
Scene 1 : Mech Lab
A: "hey you think we can take the chisel and go"
B: "But y"
A: "Tomorrow idli di!"
B: "oh Yeah!! hey take one we can share"

Scene 2: any hostel room
A: "Get up.Its 6:30am"
B: "But why.It is sunday"
A: "If we do not have the semiya now it will mutate into something like a rock"
B Gets up hurriedly

In first year we announced two awards, The Life Saver Award for rescuing live insects from the food and The Post-Mortem Award for a dead insect.

But yes i have no complaints coz over the four years i have got a tungsten lining over my stomach.And now that i am going to another hostel i go with the knowledge I Will Survive!


Blogger Abhi said...

Nice fun read man.Im just back from a hostel too and can eat up my monitor and speakers with the iron tongue I got frm there.*Munch* Umm.My keyboard tastes sweet.

9:05 AM  
Blogger Raja Agrawal said...

hehe nice one.

I think every gal sud b treated in such hostels once in their lifetime (of course that means b4 marriage as u wud agree no life after marriage :P )
...this is just to make sure when she cooks she knows how it feels when its over/under cooked :P

Thank god situtaion in our hostels is not sooo bad.
Keep them coming.

9:22 PM  
Blogger styleguy said...

hehe....hilariously funny take on the mess(y)food ! ;-).
But i guess this misery is a part of staying outta home...and we just can't surpass it. :-) so lets enjiy it while we can /!!

12:42 PM  
Anonymous blessy said...

amen to all said above...ha ha..I have a small doubt u think George Bush went to the wrong place searching for production sites of biological weapons of warfare?

3:37 AM  
Blogger Slimmy said...

really funny....hmmm...though i was not in office canteen food is some what similar....

11:05 AM  
Blogger Nikhil said...

Hey, just stumbled upon ur blog. Really funny post. Hmmm... surrisingly the food in my college jostel was pretty good. It was just the rules that were bad. :-(

5:03 AM  
Blogger Maverick said...

hilarious man... u just brought back all the sweet and sour memories of my hostel life. we had similar situation in hostel mess the only difference was that we had north indian food instead of south indian one. but still I love my hostel and even the mess and miss the chapatti eating competitions I had with my friends.

12:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP » »

6:47 PM  

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