The Pen Versus the Sword

The Pen Versus the Sword

Can i borrow your chisel?

I guess you could call it an Obsession.What you ask? Food!.. Ah! and i can see that smile of understanding on your face.I think i have counted and i think there are already 3 posts on food!Anyways i was getting nostalgic about Hostel that is the place i had a blast when i was doing my Engg and believe me the food there is at best Unique and at worst Biological warfare.

I imagine a conversation between a new intern joining the grueling course of "How to churn out glop".
Conversation between Intern (I) and Senior Chef (SUCKS-> Superior Unbeaten Chef of Killer Status)

SUCKS : So you are the new intern.Well the course is going to be very tough.If you have any soft corners for taste buds leave them at the door.
I :(with wide eyes) yes sir!
SUCKS : We prepare food(snicker!!) or something like it for close to 300 girls.We have to make sure that when they leave the engg course not only are they mentally prepared for the real word but physically prepared to eat any kind of stuff
SUCKS decided to show I around.
SUCKS: Do you see the bread over there.Well it has been prepared last night.we leave it out for a day or too so that it gets turned and dried in torturous positions
I : But wont it be difficult to eat
SUCKS (glaring) : What do u think we are doing here? (and in a whisper)Keep this between us but we have a tie up with the local dentist
I :OOOh!
SUCKS : Do you see that grinder over there.We grind the Dosa/Idli dough in this.Always make sure its not finely ground.Then Bake it
I :HOw do i know the idli is ready ?
SUCKS :Throw it from here at that person,if he requires medical aid it is ready.
SUCKS : Do you know what is Uppma.. well we take some old rice and over cook it throw in some spices.
SUCKS: That was the breakfast dishes.Usually the girls skip it.So we have a lot of wastage but do not throw it to the dogs.The last intern got chased all over the campus by the dogs after they ate.
I (His eyes have got stuck in that wide eyed expression)
SUCKS : Now we move on to the lunch.Its Sambar for 6 days a week.But remember to throw in a different vegetable every day.Say 1 brinjal per bucket.Then it becomes brinjal sambar.Likewise with ladies finger etc.Rice either over cook it or under.Vegetables we cook mainly beetroot and potatoes.There is an art in cooking it.Make sure it is not fully cooked.It should have a raw feel.
I : Yes It is more healthy to eat it raw.right?
SUCKS(gives him a wierd look): For Dinner we have some variety.Sometimes poori.Remember it should be like a biscuit.You know crackable..with a crunchy noise.If it is Dosa make it one inch thick.Fills stomachs quickly
I : But wont it be raw!
SUCKS : Naah a little bit of dough will do no harm.Then we have chappathi make it as tough as possible.They have to start developing muscles.
I :Oh!
I : And what about tea or coffee
SUCKS :That we get milk mix it with water in the ratio 1:2
I: Milk 2 and water 1
SUCKS : Are you crazy? Its Milk :Water in the ratio 1:2
I: What about cleanliness? do i have to sweep and clean
SUCKS : Naah that is not there in the contract.Some one comes to wash the dishes.We clean when we it becomes too dirty and thus a health hazard for us.Any other doubts you can ask later.
I: Do we eat here?
SUCKS : ARE YOU MAD? of course not get your food from home or canteen.Take care of your health.

Well there are moments when i look at a raw potato or over cooked rice and i wipe away a tear in rememberance of my hostel.It changed my life in so many ways.I now go to hotels and never crib about the food.I Love my moms food.When i came back from hostel my tounge required frequent dishes from her kitchen and i was able to recuperate from 4 years of the damage done to my taste buds.

These are some scenes from college life :
Scene 1 : Mech Lab
A: "hey you think we can take the chisel and go"
B: "But y"
A: "Tomorrow idli di!"
B: "oh Yeah!! hey take one we can share"

Scene 2: any hostel room
A: "Get up.Its 6:30am"
B: "But why.It is sunday"
A: "If we do not have the semiya now it will mutate into something like a rock"
B Gets up hurriedly

In first year we announced two awards, The Life Saver Award for rescuing live insects from the food and The Post-Mortem Award for a dead insect.

But yes i have no complaints coz over the four years i have got a tungsten lining over my stomach.And now that i am going to another hostel i go with the knowledge I Will Survive!

I am very Sorry...

I feel so bad and if this continues my blog is going to be the saddest one in cyber world.This time i am the one who is guilty.I forgot my dearest friends birthday and i did not remember till he reminded me.And i cannot believe it that I could forget.I am the one who used to scrap/call/msg people and remind them of friends birthdays.Sheesh!! Talk about ironic.
And personally i get bugged when people forget my birthday... i Would get mad.

I wish there was some way i could make it up to him.So if anyone has a time machine send it to me so that i can go back and wish him.But seriously i am wondering what was i doing that made me forget.I wish i could say something like Signing a nuclear treaty or something.But i was not.I was busy and so invloved with my life and that makes me a very Selfish B****.
And if it was anyone else i think i could forgive myself but he has always been with me when i needed help the most.His patience with my tears and tantrums has been mind boggling.And now i feel like such a fool.

In all fairness i was trying to decide where i will be spending the next two years,rushing with my papers and i did have a personal issue but i even called up and updated him on all the above.Now i feel so sad.Though i have been blessed with the gift to write i am not able to explain in words how important his friendship is to me.He has been a fantastic friend one of my dearest rakhi brothers whom i have called up far too many times to wail!I will always remember when i was waiting for my CTS results i was so tensed he was with me so that i wont freak out.When i got information that i had not made it into fms he came from his office to cheer me up..and was there when i got the news that i actually made it!He has been one of the first persons i share good and bad news with.He is like a safe i know that what ever i say will not go beyond him.Though we differ on a number of issues and he does not understand what makes me tick he supports me for the simple fact that that what makes me happy.Well what i am trying to say is I am Very Very Sorry!!And Aanish you have every right to be angry.

Why did you lie?

And i apologise to everyone.I guess i have been feeling a bit upset about something and that is why i have been churning out crap after crap and this is the latest addition.So basically if you are not a heart patient and dont have any other health problems and dont have issues with words that try to paint images you can read on.

Why did you lie?
There is this silence between us now
and it screams and tears me apart
Why did you lie?
Why did you lie so many times?
I cannot take it any more
Memories reel together
words empty words oh so hollow
standing in front of the mirror
my fingertips touch the others
reality merges into illusion
and i see your face
pain dissolves into tears
every smile every line is now a lie
slash on my wrist
a stake through my heart
sitting in a corner
feeling so naked so alone
with only a question
why did you lie?
why did you make me believe?

And for those who are wondering why i still put up some stuff like this.No i do not wish to have a ban put on my poetry it is just for my friends who understand and like my stuff or at least for those who pretend to!!

What makes me cry?

I got a Query "What makes you cry?".I was going to answer it but then it really made me think(shocking but true)

1. When i am not in control : Well not that i am a control freak its just that i like to have a hand in what happens with me.there have been times when i was in a helpless position and i had to depend on others .I hated it.

2. This is the most important one .I if i am VERY hungry and there is no food around i have a tendency to wail

3. When some one has broken my trust.Like i have said before i am an extremist so i have a tendency to trust implicitly and then feel like a moron later.Damn.

4. But the maximum times i have cried is when i am happy.Like when i got placed or just when i am so grateful and i try to tell how much i appreciate that person.Once i remember i got up to thank my warden who had helped me a lot when i was not well and in front of 100 odd girls i ended up crying and believe even i didn't see that coming!!

But being an army officers daughter i do not appreciate tears.So not many people have seen me cry that is except for the reasons 4 and 2.I prefer sitting in a corner and writing stuff under the name of poetry which are bound to make others cry!!Ha ha..call me wicked!!

And you know whats the best part of poetry..no one understands it!!

So i could keep a diary in a hostel with 300 girls knowing that no one would understand it.. each page would carry a few lines which reflected what i felt.Of course i have had the well wishers who wanted to psycho analyse me!!
So when i write something like

"A deep Hunger within,
devouring all sense of right or wrong"

I am not refering to any void in my life it is more like i am Hungry and i am wondering whether i should be taking the biscuits from your bag or going down to the mess!

But there are those close friends of mine who read my face or poetry and identify the issue so correctly.Its amazing coz i myself would not know what is bothering me!

Tears running inside me

Everybody has a way of expressing their feelings.Some people talk about it for hours and hours.Some bottle up their feelings and drown them in a number of bottles or puffs.Some just snap at the people around.Some just write it in a blog and practice cyber genocide.Well i am one of the latter.

And if you are stil reading this boy you are suicidal.Anyways i enjoy taking a pen and joting down whatever i feel and at times the words just jostle around my brain they push each other away and fight for a space in my page then they come out in torrents and after i write them down i try to understand what i have written and to date i have not.So if you do please drop in a note.

Warning: Serious Stuff.Read it at your own risk

"Tears running inside me"

Lowered my gaze
removed the armour
bared my soul
only to feel your barbed wire
sharp so sharp your words
Like a million shards inside me
tears running inside me
who is that mocking me?
my reflections jeering at me
voices in my head laughing crying
somebody stop it
its a never ending fight
going down down down
i left my chute
and took the leap
only to fall
my hand reaches out
but only air is there
and then i see the emptiness in your eyes
your each word tears at my soul
soul is shot but the armour is back
and i smile with tears running inside me..

OOh AAh Ouch!!

In my latest desire to be fit i have started doing some stretching exercies and believe me when my Physio showed it it looked easy but yesterday when i did the whole set i was in pain.Never realised my body had rusted to such a large degree.
So now in my quest to work on my quads,hamstrings etc... i put myself through medivial torture and after 40 minutes i come out limping in need of medical care.
I have been told that in a week i will become more flexible but right now i feel like a creaky old robot.But an image of me running in a marathon without heaving for breath keeps me going!I can do it!!!

Love and Romance

Love is a magical word.The one which makes you think of Red Roses,Moon light,Hindi movie sagas,white clouds blah blah at least its supposed to be.I guess something is wrong with me because i am not the romantic kind i mean when i see a hindi movie with the same ghisa pita dialogue i am the one making retching noises in the last seat.And i even tried reading a few love stories.

Experiment 1: M&B "i looked into his eyes and i drowned in his love";"I could feel my heart beat racing".. well these kind of stuff crack me up.Seriousy yaar till half the book they will be hating each other which wouldnt prevent them from kissing(!) and suddenly they will realise they are in love.I used to flip back and see if i missed a chapter.

Eperiment 2: Another M & B : Now in the first 10 pages the "hero" and "heroine" would brush each other and electricity would surge!!My exact thought was" oh my god.. if we could connect something to this book our country's electricity problem would be resolved"

So yup i gave up on my experiments i am definitely not a romantic.

But the one book i love is Erich Segal's "Love Story".It's a very beautiful book which doesnt have the Prince charming and any other mushy stuff.It has two non perfect people falling in love and being perfect together.They have their faults and are learning to live and love.And for me that is real.

I have seen a few Campus loves which very frankly gives love a bad name.I heard a proposal which went something like "Think of it like a 4 year commitment".!!.Never knew that love could be planned in short term ranges.

But i also know people who have met their life partners and when i see them together its amazing what they share.They dont hold hands or anything but there is something that binds them like a big bubble around them even when they are in 2 corners of a room.That coupled with the fact that they have the ability to laugh together and be natural about their relationship that is in my words love.

I found this beautiful poem on love and since i write drivel under the name of poetry it's my favourite medium.

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
'I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'--
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby !
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Diet Plan

Since a lot of people were asking for a diet chart i am posting this.

Forget the 3 meal policy.And if you were any bit like me i am sure you would have been eating 24X7.My sister is against this breakfast/lunch/dinner.According to her it should be meal 1,2,3,4,5,6... luckily she stopped at 6.

So anyways split your food across 5-6 divisions

Meal 1(Breakfast):NEVER Skip your first meal.It starts the metabolism.
Eat something fresh like fruits and a glass of milk.
or measured quantities for e.g 2 idlies/chapathi/paratha with 100 gms veg

Meal 2: Should be timed in such a way that its between your breakfast and lunch
1 Fruit(Its better to eat the fruit than having it as a juice)
Else try 4 digestive biscuits like marie
or a Glass of soup(veg with no butter)

Meal 3 (Lunch): 2 Chappathis with 1 cup dal and 1 cup Vegetables
OR
a Large Bowl of Salad(Cucumber/Tomato/Cabbage/Carrot/Greens/Sprouts)
or
a Plain Sandwich{Use your imagination : Pudhina chutney/Egg/Channa}

Meal 4: Can be similar to meal 2

Meal 5(Dinner): 1 chappathi with 1 cup dal + 1 cup Vegetable +1 cup Curd
You can also have a glass of milk in the night.
You have to be up for atleast an hour(preferably 2 hours) before you sleep.

This Just gives an idea of how you should be eating
Some Pointers:
*Stick to fruits and vegetables in the raw.
You can eat mangoes and bananas but control the frequency.
Better fruits would be Oranges,grapes,papaya,apples,watermelon etc.
If you are having juice dont take with sugar.You can use Honey as an alternative.
*Soups:Palak/tomato/mushroom
*AVOID Sugar and that means no sweets.
Does not have any nutritive value.
If you are a coffee/tea drinker(or an addict like me) reduce the sugar slowly over a period of time and finally you will be able to drink it without sugar (yes its possible i am doing that now)
*Please Note does not matter how much your mom loves you NO BUTTER/NO OIL.
*Vegetable should be cooked with minimum oil.
*Milk Should be Skimmed.
*Also include in your salad boiled potatoes but not too frequently
*For Non Veg eat chicken in limited quantities.Preferably have boiled chicken.Around 100-200 gms per week was my norm.
Fish would be a preference but NO DEEP FRYING!Prawns should be avoided.
Egg : eat only the white.
Mutton : NO
*Rice : twice a week is what i followed and that too 150 gms each meal.The advantage of chappathis is you can eat 2-3 of them and it will be equivalent to 150 gms of rice.
*Remember to eat more of dal and vegetables than rice.
*No pickles/Sugar/Oily stuff/Samosas/puffs/fast food junk/ice cream/cool drinks.
*When eating NV you can eat that itself as the base of your meal.
*Breads try 6 grain or wheat bread
*Dont eat and then Immediately sleep
*Drink at least 12 glasses of water(warm water if possible)
*Eat slowly and relish your food
*Remember you should NOT STARVE.If you are feeling very hungry drink juices/soups.Listen to your body and change the diet as per its response.Its ok to gorge once in a while say 1 day every fortnight bcoz i dont think its humanly possible to keep away from all the goodies for a long time.reward yourself every 2 kilos loss by eating something you like.Use your imagination and try different combinations.

One very good diet plan i followed was the GM Diet.Put a search for it.it works.All the Best.

Reality Bites!

Today i chatted with my Brother Nishanth after SUCH a long time!He is my cousin.And one of my dearest friends and confidante.
We share birthdays.I was born on his 2nd birthday and immediately being the youngest i got all the attention.(Hey i was a cute baby and lets not comment on present status)As legend goes(thats just the story teller in me) he was so jealous that he was caught beating me in 2 separate occassions.Of course he maintains it that he knew that i would grow up looking like a hippo so he took his chances when i was in a more manageable state.(huh!)

Anyways we have almost always celebrated our birthdays together and i love to hear the "same to you" when we wish each other.He is my elder brother but doesnt behave like a bossy one.He is sweet and caring (no he is not paying me to write this)and i can tell him anything knowing that it will not go beyond him.He left to the USA to pursue his MS in 2002 and i havent met him since then but we do keep in touch.I miss him so much.So today when i got to talk to him it was great.

Anyways this is where the Philosophy comes.Well it always enters our life when things dont go our way.Have you heard the "Everything happens for good".But this time it was because we both were idle!(hey what did you expect... an inspired dream!).So anyways we got talking about how life has changed.We have all grown up from the 5 boisterous kids who could wreck a home in far too many ways to adults(well if u can call us that).My eldest brother is getting married and guess thats what was in the back of our minds apart from "oh my god! We will be next".Some of us have started working and all of us are at that scary ledge between home where we were safely cocconed and the world where reality beckons.We have all gone different ways .My eldest brother is in animation.Nishanth is in BioMedical Instrumentation.One sis is in the IT industry and another is in Visual communication.As Nishanth put it it is sad and amazing where life takes us.And its Scary too.Its like the Murder Mystery where you don't know what is happening yet you are scared and thrilled at the same time.

I still remember crashing at my cousins house and we would start our research on 1001 ways to do time pass..it would start with playing cards and i must say that our mothers were the best cheats..Of course another research was 1001 ways to bug our parents.It would start with us finishing all the food in the house and then going to the kitchen every 5 minutes asking if food is ready.We would finish all the ingredients even before they got to the method of the recipe.It was only when they started giving work that we realised that its better to shout "We are Hungry" from the Bedroom itself.Another Favourite pass time was when we went shopping with them.Sure it meant standing for long hours and carrying all the bags(child labour)but we would force them to give us ice cream/cool drinks at regular intervals which became too expensive for them and fianlly they would leave us at home of course when they came back after 2-3 hours the house would look like the demo of the atom bomb blast site.Did anyone mention innocent children!{sigh} good old days.Of course our parents threaten us that we are going to get small devil like kids too but we retort that we will leave our children with their grand parents!Hee Hee!

But Seriously cant imagine us as mature adults!Hope we never lose the fun loving streak in us.But going by how our parents and grandparents are i think we will still be the same mischevious lot,Sure with Jobs and our own families(scary) but we will know how to laugh together.

Anyways i will get to see Nishanth again at the wedding and the four of us are planning to Rag Vicky(the groom)!!
Note to myself: Have to tell Vicky about the mysterious phone call that he recieved on feb 14th 2000 was actually my friend.Hopefully he will be so happy about his wedding that he wont kill me!

Heads or Tails!!

Its the 28th of March and is getting hot as hell and no its not the blazing kind of heat .Its the kind of heat which gets to you and makes you feel sticky .Everyday as i walk to the Office i cross a swimming pool and the temptation to dive right into it is so over powering!But i have a feeling Wet is not the formal look this season!
I Slept for 8 hours and still feeling sleepy...

I am basically trying to make my mind.Ya Ya I know that would be easy if i had one!
BUt serioulsy speaking i attended 6 inetrviews converted 3 Wl 2 and Rejected by 1
Andi am not able to decide between two of them .They are like the top 2 in my list!
1 is the best in Asia in its specialization and the other is a total bindaas one in general!And which do i choose ... well wish i could do both....

I worked so hard for CAT and fortune or misfortune i correctly fell sick just before the exam and screwd it up big time.I was so pissed with the whole experience that i wrote all my other exams with the "i-dont-give-a-damn"attitude and nailed all of them.(talk about ironies).Went for the interviews and converted all the ones i wanted oh so badly and now i am confused not in the vague "main-kahan-hoon" hindi movie style but in the whole "I-wanna-blow-my-brains-out" Kind!! I know that there are so many mba-wannabes who would die to be in my place.Believe me i was there a year seeing my friends discuss courses and going place and that definietly worsened my condition known as the "fire-in-the-belly" syndrome.I want to be in a better place charting out big things but then i look at the Bigger picture the one with a family and kids and stuff.And i dont want to choose between the both.Sure i would love to be a Big CEO kind but not at the cost of my kids calling the bai "amma".And then of course the Big question pops up what are we all looking for in life.Sure it was fun and every time i eat chicken burger i feel that i have attained moksha but what is it that we are here for.Did God decide Earth had to be punished and thus send parasites like us (as per the dictionary parasite : [n] an animal or plant that lives in or on a host (another animal or plant); the parasite obtains nourishment from the host without benefiting or killing the host ..see what i mean!) or are we here by some random absurd fall of dice.And no i am not planning to climb the Himalayas and sit under a tree (or an avalanche) and do penance..Its just that i like to have direction and a purpose not this feeling of a blind man walking in the dark in a land mine with no walking stick..i feel as if i am lurching from one thing to another!

I look at people around me who have talent and know where they are going and i am just jealous ..so envious coz i dont know!I want to have a family but i am not the kind of person who can stay at home.I need to work but dont want to compromise on my intelligence and i am at least a little.My mom says that i am being over ambitious and want it all .Guess i am never gonnna be content in life but I DONT WANT TO.I believe that you are given only one life and you have to achieve so much in that..

Some body please help...!

well if i am not able to make up my mind by EOD i guess the only thing left is heads or tails
(anybody has a coin!) but then i would probably have trouble deciding which option is heads or tails

GRRRRRRRRR!