Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Heads or Tails!!

Its the 28th of March and is getting hot as hell and no its not the blazing kind of heat .Its the kind of heat which gets to you and makes you feel sticky .Everyday as i walk to the Office i cross a swimming pool and the temptation to dive right into it is so over powering!But i have a feeling Wet is not the formal look this season!
I Slept for 8 hours and still feeling sleepy...

I am basically trying to make my mind.Ya Ya I know that would be easy if i had one!
BUt serioulsy speaking i attended 6 inetrviews converted 3 Wl 2 and Rejected by 1
Andi am not able to decide between two of them .They are like the top 2 in my list!
1 is the best in Asia in its specialization and the other is a total bindaas one in general!And which do i choose ... well wish i could do both....

I worked so hard for CAT and fortune or misfortune i correctly fell sick just before the exam and screwd it up big time.I was so pissed with the whole experience that i wrote all my other exams with the "i-dont-give-a-damn"attitude and nailed all of them.(talk about ironies).Went for the interviews and converted all the ones i wanted oh so badly and now i am confused not in the vague "main-kahan-hoon" hindi movie style but in the whole "I-wanna-blow-my-brains-out" Kind!! I know that there are so many mba-wannabes who would die to be in my place.Believe me i was there a year seeing my friends discuss courses and going place and that definietly worsened my condition known as the "fire-in-the-belly" syndrome.I want to be in a better place charting out big things but then i look at the Bigger picture the one with a family and kids and stuff.And i dont want to choose between the both.Sure i would love to be a Big CEO kind but not at the cost of my kids calling the bai "amma".And then of course the Big question pops up what are we all looking for in life.Sure it was fun and every time i eat chicken burger i feel that i have attained moksha but what is it that we are here for.Did God decide Earth had to be punished and thus send parasites like us (as per the dictionary parasite : [n] an animal or plant that lives in or on a host (another animal or plant); the parasite obtains nourishment from the host without benefiting or killing the host ..see what i mean!) or are we here by some random absurd fall of dice.And no i am not planning to climb the Himalayas and sit under a tree (or an avalanche) and do penance..Its just that i like to have direction and a purpose not this feeling of a blind man walking in the dark in a land mine with no walking stick..i feel as if i am lurching from one thing to another!

I look at people around me who have talent and know where they are going and i am just jealous ..so envious coz i dont know!I want to have a family but i am not the kind of person who can stay at home.I need to work but dont want to compromise on my intelligence and i am at least a little.My mom says that i am being over ambitious and want it all .Guess i am never gonnna be content in life but I DONT WANT TO.I believe that you are given only one life and you have to achieve so much in that..

Some body please help...!

well if i am not able to make up my mind by EOD i guess the only thing left is heads or tails
(anybody has a coin!) but then i would probably have trouble deciding which option is heads or tails


Monday, March 27, 2006

Size Matters!!

Who said size doesnt matter??

Considering that i was built along the lines of a tank i know how much it matters.
I have always been a fat kid no, not a cute chubby child but big stocky kid.And it never bothered me much.Friends from school days still call me moti which i never treated as a slur but as a pet name.Another friend used to call me "Aloo"!!Naah i had a thick hide and these nicks didnt bother me .What bothered me was going to a clothing store and trying on free size clothes and by the time i realize that theres no way in hell and heaven that my full body is going to get into the garment i would be blue in my face and panting for "amma"!!After repeated embarassements my mom started stitching for me!!

But as i grew size would always be a problem my feet would grow every six months and my mom would threaten me that she would have to start binding my feet the way they did in Japan!!If i went to buy jeans the sales man would see me and point me to the unisex rack(apparently the jeans companies dont consider making jeans for women of size greater than 32).I grew up looking like the result of "what happens when an elephant meets a blue whale? joke".Another side issue was having a very pretty mother and yes i know children are prejudiced towards their parents but this is the truth shes small,feminine,Very fair,Big eyes and straight hair and if i forgot to mention very pretty.God decided to play a genetic joke on me i went after my dad and thereby look like a female version of him which is well not saying much.Whenever my mom and i went out if i called out ",mummy" half the store would freeze and stare at both of us!! I have often considered shouting things like " I am adopted" , " They picked the wrong baby in the hospital","She is my step mother" but decency and common sense would prevail.I took the easier way out and call my mom by her name..I know I know very scandalising but what to do... Kuch tho karna hi tha !!

One good thing of my weight was that i didnt get ragged .when a friend and i were stopped by college seniors one of them remarked that i looked like i would rag them back and thus sent me away!And of course a lot of my peers on the first day in hostel gave me a lot of respect till they realised that i was also a first year student!!

Oh after 21 years of crticism and advice i finally decided i am going to lose weight so i called up all those people who have ads like "Lose 20 Kilos" "you can do it,I did it bcoz of ______" but when i heard the packet of 5000 Rs per Kilo and My targetted weight loss being a 2 digit number i decided to do it on my own and after numerous consultations with family doctors i started my diet... For some one who loves to eat for taste and loves aloo i became the "i-eat-on-time" fell in love with salad,Can drink black coffee without acting as if i know how socrates felt when he took hemlock,Can say no to second portions of anything without twitching an eyebrow...

I dont know whether i feel healthier but i sure love the "Oh my god i cant believe you have lost so much !!!" Whenever i meet my friends after a long time !! And its so great to walk into a store knowing that there will be at least something that fits me.ANother thrilling moment was when i had gone to buy a Blazer and the Sales Executive was like "Ma'am L would be big please try M".Well i would have done Cartwheels if i knew how to do it that is.{sob}bringing tears of joy to my eyes!

But i recently discovered another problem...whenever i go shopping i seem to be buying a lot more mainly because it fits rather than i like it!! EGAD!!!Some one help me... will soon have to join SA(Shoppers Anonymous)

Thursday, March 23, 2006


Feeling very very sad today!!

Thing is my system works like this way when faced with a problem or a sad news or some dumb break my immune system starts working.As in i become even more exuberant than usual.That is if its possible!!Even when i was on a wheel chair (for a very short time) i was making loud jokes about how I was getting pushed around in my throne(really pity my friends for that).Another occasion my dad asked me to shut up or he would break my other leg!.Hell i didn't even leave my Doctors,5 minutes before the surgery i was telling him anecdotes about why i didn't take medicine when what I actually wanted to do was run as far away as possible from the injection (Not 1 or 2 but 5...).Well I guess that is my armor.
But every once in a while I get so depressed and go about snarling and growling.U can almost see the red eyes,foam coming from the jaw.Experience has shown my parents to leave me alone .. Its like leaving the werewolf alone on Full Moon nights only mine are not very well timed as such.Well today I got up in that mood and I felt like hanging a placard around my neck with a sign "Talk to me at your own risk".Having found no excuse to lose my temper at home in deference to respect for my parents(that's a decent way of saying I am too scared to do that) and my sister was sleeping(damn!!) I have still not lost the bad edge.Anyway I am waiting it out.Sitting in office and praying that I manage to control my temper.Coz if I dont I think my day dream of breaking all the computers in the office would become a reality and then poor dear me will be booted out!

Why am I writing this now!! Oh yeah thing is I know people who are perpetually in this zone around whom you have to tread so very carefully.They twist your words and throw it back at you!!and whatever you say it seems is the most wrong thing to say and end of the day you are wondering that maybe we hear them out for some form of primitive sadistic pleasure.

Anyways my remedy for a bad mood has always been food (also for celebrations,tears,anger,ordinary days,special days,your neighbor's aunts husbands second cousins bdays!!),And the Best is anything with chocolate.I Stand by it and as a popular ad line goes "Chocolate Ka na guarantee")When I had my visa rejected,when I was told I wont be able to walk for some time , when I had a bad interview,Fight with my friend I tried my old and trusted cure chocolate cake /ice cream.And having taken the last scoop I would look at the world with glazed eyes(due to the high level of sugar) and my smile would be back on my face!!Of course all those calories would mean that my latest diet plan is out of the window but frankly I don't care.
Give me 1 big family pack of chocolate ice cream and your troubled being and I will give you a smile and cheer to your heart!!

To Innocence!!

During College I suffered from far too many health problems.And one issue which I faced was a throat infection( due to a wisdom tooth which since it was mine decided that instead of taking the normal route of growing among other teeth took the totally unnecessary way of growing through a bone )due to which I couldn't talk for more than almost 2 months!!!
What so many including myself thought was impossible me being silent for more than 10 mins(normally that's the time I take to eat) became reality.Yes! Yes! I know it was very peaceful for my roommates and friends and I am sure they made the best of it!

Then you must be wondering how I communicated well it was mainly sign language which I mastered pretty well and notepad (virtual and real) what was really funny in a "dialogue"(if u can call it that) my friends would often start writing themselves and I would point out that they can talk!!

I remember one conversation between my friend A and i.He was trying to keep my mind off the pain.he being the spiritually enlightened one he first asked me to concentrate on the location of pain.Then after locating it to move it out of my body through my thoughts.When he asked me if I had focused on the location I nodded in the affirmative and then pointed to him as the source of pain(sorry! I am still a worldly being)

He changed tactics and started giving me a lecture on how all humans are born pure and as we grow up all our vices coat us like a layer of dirt and with each layer we are moving farther away from God.And having survived on buttermilk and tea(Yes I lost weight!) for 25 days I was in no mood for this!I patiently wrote it out that if he didn't stop I would get an Un abridged Bhagavad Gita and hit him with that.That shut him up!!

Why am I mentioning this now.Well now that I can talk again and I have eaten my lunch I can appreciate what he said.Have you noticed that baby's don't bother about the why and immediately smile (well unless u sit and scare them).They are not bothered about your intentions and you have to smile bcoz of their innocence.But say some one we don't know smiles at us we immediately question it "Why?? What does he want??" Sad!

Well I am no innocent .. and yes I have had my cynical thoughts ...But here's to keeping the child in us alive!

Aplolgies A !

The Stars are bright.
They shine in the night.
they give us light..
so am i right!!

This was my first poem when i was 7 years old.And i remember feelng like the next Wordsworth when my parents praised me after hearing it.Admire them for that because i dont think i would be able to keep a straight face if my daughter(in the future) recited this to me!!
Anyways hopefully i have improved and for those who want to check it out( take a dare) :http://www.desijournal.com/author.asp?AuthorId=104
WARNING : Seriously nerdy stuff!!!

My Friends!

I read my previous blog and realised i talk tooooo much about myself...so here i take a chance to thank all those lovely freinds of mine who did the un thinkable tolerated me for so many years..
@hari--> For being a superble patient guy.You are one of the very few actually the only person other than my mom whom i could cry to without any sense of shame
@reji--> For speaking the truth even when u knew that i wont like it and of course for talking for hours and hours about trivial and insignificant issues... ah!! good old days!
@upi--> For being yourself.Another freaky person( i think you are wierd too!!) takes one to know one
@sumathi--> For sticking to me inspite of me being very lazy about delivering good news/calling or mailing..
@Pentagon--> KC,Baskar,Athi,Aanish,Neha..for being patient and super troopers during college especially when i was temporarily disabled..that was the toughest time i had and u suffered me through it... thanks a ton!
@Geetha,Sathya,Veni,Hemanth --> We grew together in the work force and its fantastic to have some one in office to crib too!!(oops!! small miscommunication)
@Karthik--> Oh My God!! You defy description... thanks for being one of the most sweetest and caring people i know
Thanks to all those whom i cannot recall now (oops) As a continuation of this i will be putting up a blog on all those people whom i met and disliked heartily!!!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

To Bhalu!

Have you ever had a happy secret to yourself.Well if it wasnt for the fact that i am already smiling pretty much 24 X 7 i would have been smiling even more!! But for 2 days i did walk with a skip in my jump and only when i got queries like are you in love or something i learnt to control myself!
But yes i do enjoy the feeling!! Of course i am looking forward to telling everyone but till then stars in my eyes!!Oh and i will mention it on the blog but after some time(sorry!!)
I am one of those people who manage to get excited about just anything "Oh Wow!! You got placed""Oh You are wearing a new dress" " Oh we are having a suprise test""its raining" name it and i will manage to get thrilled about it.And one of my dearest friends informs us about his gold medal/placements as if he is talking about the weather.well each to his own ways..I believe in celebrating each and evry second of life.
But its sad that just bcoz i am a fun loving person people take a longer time to take me seriously!! Grrrr!! have to work harder and then people come up with these "Oh! I never expected it from you"Please yaar just bcoz i dont wear a constipated look on my face and dont act as if the world is depending on me doesnt mean that i dont have brains/focus.My fav compliment was when my ex-Boss remarked that i am a nice person to have around and i will still be the same if the project is in red or its succesful.Thank You sir!!
I have had so many people come to me and remark of what they actually thought of me(-ve) and how i am different from their expectations(sorry to dissapoint).NOt knowing my mother tungue(that will be another post) my constant chatter in english made a lot of people think that i am a snob and as one friend confessed(thought) that "i would speak to people of only my level" .I choked at this bcoz i wasnt sure what "level" it was!!ANother person read my poems(yes i have used other forms of written torture before this blog) and was stunned by and i quote "nerdiness" of the poem.For this psychotics who are still reading and would like to get tortured a lil more :
So this blog i dedicate to my dear friend "Bhalu" (thats his nick) who is like me full of cheer and happiness but also struggles to make other people take him seriously!

My First Blog

Congragulations .... You are reading my first Blog.. and when i became a Pulitzer winner(that would be the day after Pigs fly) you can tell proudly that you read it first!!
Oops sorry ... Bad Joke.. what to do whenever i get excited,sad,angry,nervous i make statements under the facade of jokes...
I start with wondering what am i doing here!! Well for one i love to talk... ask those 100 odd people who are in surgery for their ear drums...after listening to me.And now due to distances i am not able to get access to the remaining friends of mine whose ear drums are still intact..
But fear not no one is going to miss out on my non stop nonsense!!
And if you ares till reading this Blog ..WOW are you that jobless.
Anyways a little about me having been in the IT industry with almost 2 lakh people for almost 2 years i have decided to jump in the higher studies bandwagon and i am soon going to be in a position to call up dad and start begging for money(Ahh!! Nostalgia remembering the days in my UG when my dad used to cringe on hearing my "Daddy" he knew that my next application for funs would soon be submitted)Anyways this is my way of keeping in touch with all my friends.
Considering that a number of them are already in US or getting married frequent meetings might be a problem.
Hey and another blog which i read and enjoyed thoroughly (and which finally inspired me to take a pen or keyboard) http://mydayzwithmyself.blogspot.com/
This guy has a ROCKING sense of humour.